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BOOM!

Let’s see, first button, push.  BOOM! Gusts of dust fly out the second story window.  The glass falls in shards, hitting the ground like a bag of change.  Screams start to sound from around me, but I sit by the fountain with a very content grin on my face.  The fountain outside of the administration building is where I plant my ass this fine Monday morning.  Normally I’d never be up before two p.m., but today was special.  The twenty-story building before me is rigged with explosives on ten of those floors and I am holding the trigger mechanism. 

It is an old remote control from an RC toy car, short-circuited to reprogram the four directions on each joystick. The engineering degree I am no longer completing assisted with the circuit bending.  Fuck that, fuck college, fuck all these dumbasses.  Fuck this office building.  The only important part is me being here.  I am right here, demolishing a building, comfortably from the sidelines.  Perfect view, box seats.

  A scream coming from about twenty different sorority sisters bakes my eardrums with a pleasant tingle.  They immediately pulled out fake-jeweled cell phones with words like ‘princess’ and ‘hotty’ written on the back in big pink letters.  Well, it looks like the authorities were being informed.  So, let’s go for shock number two.  Push down on left joystick.  BOOM!  First floor, oh, that one was close.  I could feel that dust cloud!

            My eyes were wide but calm.  Man I am so fucking calm.   I can’t believe how fucking calm I am! It was like the buzz that had been in my veins for years was just anesthetized.  Like a shot of heroin to a junky.  That first shot that hooks you.  I began to wonder about other areas to blow up.  All the while I’ve been at college, checking out the architecture, the weak points clear to me. Fuck this place.  Fuck fuck fuck this place. 

            For a second I recall how I got here.  Simple story really, (flip left switch diagonal right, BOOM!, 17^th floor, smoke clouds), a boy has a dream (flip left switch diagonal left, BOOM!, 13^th floor, flames), he wants to be something different, change the life cycle of the family, go to college (flip right switch straight down, BOOM!, 3^rd floor, debris/dust cloud)  be the first one to ever get a degree, make everyone proud, plenty of encouragement and pressure,  then things change (flip right switch diagonal upper left, BOOM!, 5^th floor, smoke/debris), he gets interested in other subjects, totally normal for school, wants to take up something different than electrical engineering, family gets pissed, says what a disgrace, says he’s wasting his time, why waste your life Johnny?  Why waste your time? Go hang out with the faggots and artists and writers, where’s you’re boyfriend Johnny?  Right here bitches (flip left switch straight up, BOOM!, 20^th floor, debris/fire/smoke clouds billowing up).   Three years of electrical engineering put to good use.

Suddenly my head becomes flushed with tingles.  Between my eyes, like it was losing circulation.  Then, I am talking on a phone.

            “Oh my God, I don’t know what happened! I was just like walking to like my first class and like this big….BOOOM! sounded and I was like what happened! Then I looked up and saw that it was the Administration Center!”

            I look down and over two big tits with cleavage prying open the v-neck shirt, a direct view to the black bra supporting those mounds.  When the fuck did I get tits? I look over and see my body, the body I thought was mine, sitting over at the fountain, smiling and looking at me.  Not me, but the me with tits and the pink shirt and the black bra and the ass.  Glass shattering as I/her stares at me/him.  Smoke clouds twisting and convulsing from the windows.  And now I am terrified.

            Tingling.

            The desk in front of me is full of papers.  God, I hated it when it got this messy.  You know, one of these days I’m going to have to organize this shit.  Who would leave their stuff like this?  Wait a second… BOOM! A shockwave burst from the room next to mine. Drywall falls down on my head resounding in a cracking sensation. Coolness washes over me, a lightness easing into my head.  A single stream of blood falls in front of my left eye, stinging it and rendering it blind for a few moments.  I realize I am on the floor. Sitting up I look at the ceiling to a scene of smoke and sparks.  I shoot a glance outside, and on the fountain stoop sits a man, probably a student.  He looked familiar.  Wait a fucking second that’s me, I’m not here!  What the fuck is going on!?

            And I’m tingling.

            Sitting on the john I always felt great.  If only to escape from everyone – shit.  Where the fuck am I now?  Business suit.  High heels.  Pair of average tits. I have glasses on.  I don’t wear glasses or have tits.   A little smaller but… BOOM!  I am wretched off the toilet and go crashing onto the floor.  Cool water surrounding and soaking my adrenalin daze.  The floor shudders, cracks, and drops me onto some guy’s head.  He screams a low moan.  A moan reserved for people whom are going to die yet feel the need to let you know.  I imagine him shooting through the floor under the weight of concrete, wire, and toilet stall, but he only breaks like a twig.  Beneath me in the rubble, his legs are twisted, popping out at strange angles foreign to their natural state.  The water from the toilet lightened the blood trail protruding from the messy pulp below.  A mess I did not want to see. 

            And I tingle.

            Outside again.  I am looking at the now burning building.  I stop and think, question, wonder, check myself.  No blood, no head injury, no tits.  Before I have time to miss those tits, to take a fresh breath of relief, before I have any time to lose myself again, to contemplate the temporal dissonance, I grab the tiny joysticks and rotate them 360 degrees. 

            And I am not tingling.