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…Angstgiving 2023…

…what are the words enough to explain the sour mood that the holidays put me into?… trash culture has to create a bevy of irrelevant artists pushed not to re-interpret the world too much, but a little bit at a time to superficially sell and be sold to the masses as another consumer gimmick to be sorted into boxes and categories of varying degrees of utility and efficiency… we may gather in groups whether told to avoid the transfer of fears and live in the moment, or we find ourselves utterly paralyzed by the pressure of those very same fears… had there been a guiding force in my life while still open to the imprint of humanity, there might be a feeling of secure personality, but very little has has changed the attitude that comes off as selfish and whiny in its portrait of a reality spent listless and shameful into questioning everything with complete doubt as every action has the displeasure of creating a rippling crippling consequence… and a lack of confidence in the long game of life though it seems easier to hold on to ideas more than people as we all travel through our own versions of a spiritual journey sorting out the squeeze that physical compartments fit us into so rudely to get to where we wish to go even though the hurdle is always in our minds as much our hearts, mother figure gone and no real close immediate family that feels comfortable to be around enough to relax or feel calm because things go to shit more often than not in my biased perspective trailing the thoughts barely held with any regard toward what happens on the other side of a future unaware of during these trying modern times while learning more about this fragile insecure creature co-pilot that is with me until death, caught in the crossfire of emotion when trying to think of relationships with friends and relatives and their meaning to us as people we care about within the unholy trinity of holidays that possess others like demons or phantoms of exaggerated cheer while another segment of us feels pressured torment during this time of year… 365 …daze that we fear ourselves getting too mouthy in front of people we barely know more than a very little as they threaten to help us guilt ourselves into thinking horrible things as they get passed onto others this way the familial duels that take the place of compassion where it started because these personalities of ours are so much larger than life for some who don’t realize what social compression to this magnitude truly means for this ballooning society inches from a sharp dark edge to that chasm of which there is no bottom, the unholy charge takes form soon after we are affected by horrors of seasonal change making some of us depressed as a side effective disorder to the tension Here placed upon all of our heads collectively succumbing to the dumbest conspiracies ever seen while all set to share with the very people who really couldn’t care less even when it seems they might be legitimately demented in this case, needing to break when emergency strikes hard and fast with rules of the home to follow even as a guest within our own universe we must walk on eggshells in order that we may allow ourselves and others to have a good time or cause conflict as things coalesce as finite connection losing hope that anyone else could appreciate us while attempting to give thanks instead the giving of angst a paroxysm unto others…

thanks, khet_:/