All The Wrong Topics dot com

this Cursed aftermath

a formidable foe hurled itself down my throat last night, and cursed the next day into depths of mad sloth, i still feel the gravity even though it was not a mortal wound… feeling slightly traumatized and off-kilter, but otherwise fine for the most part… i mean i’m still moving around and everything… though the perceptual engine is a tad bit wacky in the now, with failure and debauch trailing from the withering ways that were last night, but i will not recant even as thinking becomes difficult at work… ‘we are strong!’… Pat Benetar decided to make an appearance in my head as well, as i notice some of the subtler flows of energy from one thing to the next, and “see” the very real transference from focal points as the tasks are checked off the list… so tired… trying to recover from a weird series of events leading into a dry and irritated outlook the day afterward, and still i drink this noxious stuff so very late to the end of the night, waking up as the fearful drone panicking over work-related retardation… the old realizations about drinking become apparent yet again with its bad moods drifting like a dark fog the next day, but no worries once the death march begins, even though on this circuit there doesn’t seem to be a pause button for me… a lack of respect on my part for alcohol’s shamanic and magical qualities, even if it was malt liquor from the convenience store, it was a fusion of negative imagery that lead to a false positive effect on me… in the midst of all this, my musical aspirations were both put on the alter of sacrifice, and alternately saved from the burning wreckage with promise of another day… however, in hindsight that is all there seems to be in the cards for me if i cannot learn from the missteps i make, a willingness to put myself where i don’t belong necessarily… it draws me in to say the least, to play out these little social struggles with people, and on a holiday of no particular import but to turn people into wasted sheep… well, in my case that is, i really don’t know what happened to you… neither of us seems to care about that right now… so i thought my eclectic would shine through, but it ended up being a panicked and nervous form of self that i tapped into, innocently thinking that i could possibly join a band… i sat dead in the water, and waited because i had been reassured many times during the day, i was willing to walk there of my own energy just to show them some determination… that was what i could have done, but if they had just dropped all communication for drunken abandon, then it feels like a duty to hit that wall of disappointment honestly… it was only after i decided that my nerves had been wasted, and somehow slipping past my perception the night was truthfully over with in reality, i received a call from another person of the only two groups i have ever played music with in this town… these were the guys that never gave me a call back either, a year or so ago, and i try my best not to be cynical when i see an ad of theirs asking for a bass player… still no real assurances, but i can’t mutilate every little detail, if i do make it into their clique then i should realize to have fun with it… fun is not fun when taken too far into too serious places, my “doom-and-gloom” are merely affectations of my personality, but not the whole of my being as you can read for yourself… the sense of humor is there to achieve some comfort, while at the same time keeping a steady level of awareness, and that relieves the pressures of the daily struggle when utilized well… laugh once in awhile, and see that things are not as defiled as might once seem, not easy maintaining the emotional mind and body…

Thanks, khet.