All The Wrong Topics dot com

The joker and the thief.

i need confidence to make myself work well with others, as i might be possessed by the negative aspects of life, and learning by negative example is not a thrill… the worst case scenario does not attract me, but sometimes it looms over our decisions like a shadow, yearning to predict the worst of all situations… the doldrums of waiting for something to happen with nervous energy, and an ear for the next ordered move to come, wondering in silence over the state of things as they are… feeling anxiety prickling the back of my neck as my curiosity wanders the emotions and thoughts inseparable in my mind’s eye somewhere… then the Dylan lyrics pop into my head, about the joker to the thief and their confusion without relief, and i can’t help thinking of the binary code implemented by the fool and the magician or magus as that particular Wolfmother song plays in my head next….a bizarre system of motion centered in the beauty of foolish wisdom… still trying with a suspect flex to find my stylistic direction, they say all the clues are clear enough to read, and symbols are always dirt cheap mulling over this gigantic leap of faithless haste… hoping for the best, but expecting that it will add up to a taste of fear anyway, seeing a nervous twitch while imagining a drugged state more so than that casual extraction of teeth… as the ones and zeroes string their own threads together beyond my control, but through a systemic momentum that i put into action months ago, too quiet as i experience a tormented surrender to the forces i see… a genuine attempt to deceive myself in the corrected version of reality for the last half of my life, a unique respect for the perspective bad guy forcing others to make his most vital decisions for him, and wallowing in embitterment instead of betterment of the darker martyr appearance everyone hates… am i a real villain Here, or do i further delude myself into thinking that way?… in any case, it is left for me to decide my fate, and throw my energy into manifesting my own destiny on my terms… my heart lies to me to get its way, and the world around me spins counter-clockwise to my own relative orbit, thus leaving me consistent in being cast off balance easily… my rules are real, and this is me, i am the meat and more than that….i can see… the will is there, i know it, and finally the reigns are in my hands instead of following a fishy predestination… embracing that fringe comfort that was always on the periphery until now… even seeing the words makes sense to me as a mantra might ring truth into the head of the devotee, there is the struggle but i will be victorious through the darkness i see, and that demon ‘control’ is mine like a sword to strike at those painful oppositions that seek to betray me… though i am now in control, i will always have the joker to my right, and the thief shadowing my left picking up the pieces of dreams i leave behind… we are three, but these three are really one in the same aspects playing the game at different levels, completing each other while respecting the other sides at the same time… getting distracted nonetheless means the end to an uncertain strand of thought, or perhaps an unwillingness to kill off all the dead selves, ‘the packaged shelf life bad display’ so it could be if i kept them all that way… however, to be true to myself, even degrees of certitude are malleable and always shifting as the needs arise… who knows really what tomorrow will bring, and i can only expect change to occur…

Thanks, khet.