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Useless MOTION sickness

Here comes that vitriol again. Not that the void within that darkest heart of technology wouldn’t be able to stand my brand of crass disillusionment, I have stood too idly by while understanding very little of the world that isn’t consensual, but unless I break this spell that I have laid over my eyes, I won’t be as able to overcome the next challenges to come. It is not as though I happen to have common sense or practical guidance through these daily occurrences, the only thing left to me to make me even fractionally able to handle the rest of the heap is my angel, and even though I speak of a real living person whom guides me through these pitfalls. She has spent every last ounce of energy in making both of us stay afloat, even by the skin of her teeth when necessary, she has saved us both from a more dire circumstance many a time. I am quite surprised how I have stayed capable of being with her, as we both have gotten mad on many occasions, but every time been able to come through the difficulty. I try to be there for her because I care about her, but feel helpless at times for the lack of anything better to say or do, unable to find solace in the familiar things of comfort. It isn’t exactly implausible for me to be seriously able to move to action, especially in light of such trying times, but the timing and difficulty of the problems cause me to waiver in my judgments. When they are most necessary to the sequence of hope and good fortune, one likes to see results occur quickly instead of that pace that normally needs to pass, and we must learn to be capable of handling situations where the opposite becomes true. In all circumstances, we only have so much control before the consequences make themselves manifest to us, and then it is time to approach the problem from a new angle. We are in an age where things are swiftly changing around us, and where keeping up isn’t at all as easy as we would like it to be, even through all the shit we have to learn how to cope. Both with our lives and the effects we have on others, as well as the effects that others have upon us, and thus pushing us closer together against each other. We have only to look into another person’s eyes in order to better become acquainted with their personality, but we are not forced to understand this except in conditions of extreme duress and tension, though how often do the majority of us avoid direct conflict with others? Probably more often than would need to be necessary if we knew that we are stuck together in such a fashion to facilitate better an understanding the way towards freedom, freedom from needing to feel trapped in ourselves, and to work a way out of hell toasting our humble knowledge once freed in such a way. Until that period where we can all feel as though we aren’t being squished by weights that would allow no freedom of movement, we must band together in solidarity over the issues that stand as beacons to guide us in the darkest darknesses, and show each other the kindness from the soul that it takes to imbue others with passion. Until recently, I had no use for scriptures or hymns, but that was because there was only a shallow grasp of the concepts and meanings within those cryptic phrasings. I can see how stories are cultural guidances that allow people to have foundations with which to stand upon and see past the horizon line, to be able to see the farthest reaching places in the imagination, and to become utterly enamored of the static and concrete things that let us leave a path for others to follow. Not specifically saying to follow, but not exactly denying that choice of sequences to be excluded, the process of progress is what we use to give ourselves a grounding source for all of the choices and decisions in our lives as the collective of humanity. We carry both grace and depravity in our clutches as we filter through the amount of truth that flows within us, we deny one only to be choked with the right of the other, and only further impede our progress towards effective group action. Sometimes it feels as though there will never be the sensation of pure joy again, but when you have never really let go of your childhood, purity never exactly leaves your presence either. It is when we can face our darkest fears that we truly feel as if we have overcome heavily weighted odds indeed, we are glorious beings threading together the experience of experience in all its’ forms and facets, but must not allow oursleves to get too far away from whatever the goal has been in order to achieve more fully successfully. I feel tired of the endless waiting for things to come to me, thinking that preparation was the ticket to glory, but I was wrong because pursuit of a goal makes opportunities occur for those of us to reach out and hold as their own. No matter the means of success or failure, we are each privy to our own substantial mysteries of which we only really learn a few at a time to be better able to understand and live within our world, and then suddenly it feels as though we are without means to get through the next situation. None of us can stand always at the ready, but should have no good reason to be plagued by our own ignorance for so many times around the wheel, for with believing in each other we can further enrich the lives of those after us. Making the world better is by no means an incredulous goal to try for, but if all we are left to doing is trying our way out, we will never do our best to get away from bothersome situations that seem to only drag us down in it. The muck sometimes reaches out to grasp us just as much as we reach out to grasp opportunity, but we must be willing to take that step with the gives and the takes that it requires to get wherever it is that we want to go, some times the only guide we get is the one that we provide for ourselves. Motivating the current incarnation to move its’ ass, and take as many of these lessons of life into the next part, otherwise there may be little to look forward to for any of us. I would give much more of myself if I knew that the sacrifice was worth it, but that may just be the eternal mystery that I face at points in my life, to never know but to have faith in my steps to reaching the benefits of self-sacrifice. I have faith that it will work out before there can be said to be an end to this story, that my love will prosper with me, and that we will not have to face the dark challenges so often. Points that test the spirit and will against despair and poverty so frequently, tolerance of these negative times seems to further expand, but not to the benefit of others. The moment calls us out to participate more often than we ever seem to notice, and it is not because we are thoroughly stupid creatures, even though that seems like a much easier way to put it than to say that we are creatures of trial and error. Speaking of trials, my next court appearance does not look too promising at this point, but I do have faith that however it goes will lead to a better future for myself and everyone who has helped me thus far. I do not know how much more relentless chatter is necessary, but I am doing my best to keep it relevant and interesting to the vast eye that reads this, not the one that conceives but the one that sees. The eye of the all and everything once the material creates another new extension to view, the material world is an extension of the mind, but more in comparison to the slow drip from a stalagtite eroding a cavern away below. Metaphors are only the beginning to a world where humans are but channels for their cryptic wisdom, an extension to action, but not all actions are created equal by an equal creator. God may be something others worship, but that I aspire to, in the belief that we all become part of that nameless entity that others have chosen to name out of fear of the unknown. I fear the unknown because I have no control over it, giving it the leverage needed to move me in one direction or another as it pleases, and not knowing stability until the pattern turns obvious to me. My eyes seem to understand much more than just my mind alone, and my ideas falter as much as my actions do, though always with the hopes that there are more use to come from my botched motions than from my more lucid actions. Folly I am no stranger of, but this is getting too outrageously monotonous to keep up with, this constant spinning and not understanding what way I will be flipped next as others around me shift to be able to endure my weight upon them. A dark and obnoxious ray pierces through that batty self-image that peaks just below the surface, using the intelligence of this life to move its’ own motives forward a little more, but only just as a substitution over any other gremlins that would be in my life otherwise. I wish that banishing them all were that easy, and I understand at least that it takes the mindset before the reality is so affected to become, I just wish that my will would allow even just a little bit of slack to move. The gremlins, the demons, whatever label will fit all of their unwitting maleficient motions against me and my kind. They house themselves within what seems to be a docile and uncomplicated collage of thoughts, but eventually even the most benign idea can grow to become so much more than what was previously able to be contained, whether within specific concepts or spread throughout the spectrum of individual sensation that there happens to be in the wake of all these creatures up and around. The active hivemind of humanity creates the chitinous shell, the carcass of society, like an exoskeleton to resist the tension of gravity. Erasure of known concepts to keep the assimilation of newer ideas ever moving forward in an attempt to understand and utilize all information as it is accessed by humanity, we are the tools through which our god functions in the material world, and we all follow this entity because we are all a part of the human animal. The creatures that house these consciousnesses and all of these awarenesses, to further push the boundaries that were set to keep us in, but they can only pen the mind up for so long before it breaks free of constraint. To meet the purpose longed for in the eyes of many people, we strive and pride ourselves in taking the limits further past the bounds of rational explanation, and to take the species to a whole new level of consequence. For the fortunate, there will be much to take heed of, and for the others there will be much rejoicing in that which was already known. We must discard the knowledge once we learn it to be better adept at adapting to the ever-changing cycles that splits us between one another, taking with us the intuition that will guide all of us to our fates respectively, and returning to the home we leave upon birth into this realm of existence. It may all seem useless from a far, but it certainly is not once you subject yourself to these bizarre people and their bizarre world of wonders to behold, once we all get there we will be happy. Reaching out to others from a far place to give them the hope and support that they require to get where they should be, making it possible to have support in the middle of emptiness, and squeezing the life out of it all when the time comes to understand. Maybe that last part was a bit overzealous, but you must feel the life flowing through you before it can be used for the betterment of humanity, going overboard just pushes the limits further beyond the edge of rational sanity. When that breakthrough occurs, it can be difficult to see the other side when the memory of another state is so fresh in the mind, but this is not the end at which to stop. Each possibility is but one of the many that there always are in a world of vast confusion as our own, the jewel is shining the light outwards through us, and into our world through us. These forms we carry are only the temporary vehicles for this energy, if we conceive ourselves as being more than that we become the bloated corpses lingering at funeral parties, and we learn nothing from the deeper particles residing within us. We are a mass of particles compressed together to take shape, commanding our souls to function for us, and yet we know not what or who pushes our buttons as individuals. Are there guiding forces to take us where we want to go? Only if we pursue them to the limit that they can take us to, that takes persistence through the tumult of human experience, and the resilience to achieve through any means necessary. We are what we eat.

Thanks, khet.