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Eve of the New

shedding the old features as the display of emotions dims across the face, a mirror of both the facsimile of humanity as much as the genuine expression of that same truly affable humanity that has grown substantial because of its own resourceful instinct for adaptability throughout the estranged wiles of intuition and consciousness as are twined in exploring the layers of living synthesis, and Here comes reason as alive as through the animal cunning it has tried to thrive in the adversity of these universal chain of events occurring around us like swirling halos as though this geriatric mad saturnalia were all our own micro continuum of the mind… which is true and false in great leaps of fate between the wages of risk and those faithless wages of sin fired and forged in the razed furnace of hell’s kitchen, where the only access refrigerator is always locked closed with the cabinets and cupboards nailed shut as the room begins filling with gas from the stove left on high, but no one is getting anywhere in making a wistful final countdown admonishing a god any god that might listen to random pleas sent skyward as the reversal of fortunes makes the heavens fall to earth in impending doom raining blood upon the scourge of humanity killing itself… i am passed out yet again, my friends, awoke sometime after one o’clock maybe two as the house guests had yet to pass out themselves… it was then that something surly had shaken out of me as shot upon shot (alcohol) invaded the soul with a chaser of Mexican dark beer, i was so smashed very soon afterwards to the point of those infamous and raging manic bouts of depressive behavior and total belligerent shouting and ranting excess so oblivious and obnoxious with total abandon of any and all social rationale, and to make matters the worse i had finally finished the night off with a sludgy bout of vomit next to the place i sleep and gradually passed out unaware how far the detachment from my senses i really was at that point in mutilate “holiday” mindset… any misleading activity of drunken debauch and blackout when all resistance inside my body said ‘nay!’ as the combustible aspect some might call ‘id’ was filled with a sad rage not fit for human consumption, and again the spoils of whorish affection thrown about in days when the heart was less absorbed by an inky blackness as my ex-lover and new flame re-enter the picture once more, trying to suppress hate to a certain degree out of courtesy for my guest and not plural this time around as my kindness extended to her out of support… she stays with me as a roommate still connected through a lease and mutual respect as that i suppose still remains there in friendship, but the situation has now intrigued my ideas on how attached i am through friendship and other efforts that could only be occurring over time and experiential contact, the troubles and tribulations as carried between all these consenting adults has led to a social pressure that up until now was pulling me right into the eye of the drama storm which hopefully subsides outside of my general direction… i thought i was safe, but by doing the opposite of listening to my intuition left me sickened worse than if i had just let myself sleep the evening through, however this was not the case as i drank until i blacked out and awoke in a more miserable state of sickness than i had thought was my destination even though i realized i had blacked out which for me is a sign that i may have said or done more than i remember… a similar event occurred even before this night though minus the vomiting incident that leads to a peak revulsion in the person having to feel sick, the third annual Hobo Christmas is this other more recent endeavor to take place with my drunken participation involved and enjoyed at least until i had more to drink that night, and i had arrived rather ready to get started to do something with forties and cigarettes and small packs of condoms in my bag along with my “costume” for an excited evening which consisted of my fez and a pair of demonic horns to wear with a makeshift recording set-up to get some of the festivities on the record… unlike the eve of the new year, i was raring to go and amped up on now newly acquired friend berry white to spread the more festive attitude around to the rest even though they were already in great spirits, and i brought more gear than i could handle leaving my bass guitar at the apartment of our fearless organizer of the evening while i donned my hat and half mask care of the night’s host… first, we got the care packages ready for those few hoboes we were to visit which consisted of one forty ounce malt liquor beverage with two cigarettes and a condom or two, and after the surplus was arranged it was only a short matter of time before all the little care packages were stylized and ready to hand out… drunkenness and a light haze of smokey treats helped to fuel the revelry as the evening drew closer to night and the caravan of cars was almost ready to go, thanked by those who got the joke or just lost in the streets at the right time in the right place as the caravan of discord rolled through the alleys the more hammered i got, but that was actually some time after we ran out of the packages and began to go out and join the local night life for the ever-expanding blackout which encompasses my memories even to occur this very day… so what happened?… first, we hit a coffee and liquor bar that was delightful and fairly easy to remember with the lucidity that occurred there, but after a prolonged silence of the mind we shifted spots to deliver ourselves over to another little lounge bar which is about when things tended to get rather spotty at best… i think maybe i remember ordering a drink then it quickly has turned into a barely remembered burst of dance energy within the close confines of DJ dance floor, but we all left as we had came in a group that recklessly tried to quash all emptiness from the night and so unlike the events of the end of this last year to herald the start of this new year which has left me hanging in the balance, digressing recalled snippets in flashes where we ended up and i was later told that i had broken a toilet seat in the unisex bathroom at the same hole in the wall that i open mic on the odd occasion… good grief, avoiding this behavior for awhile, until the next…

Thanks, khet.